The Soccer Revolution is Not Coming

I’m hearing it again.  That low rumble of the population talking.  Like a train coming in the distance.  Like the sound of thunder in the distance. 

It’s actually growing louder now.  You hear it when you are walking around the supermarket.  You hear it when you are sitting in a restaurant.  You hear it next to you when you are working out at the gym.

It is the talk of America…that with the popularity of this years World Cup, soccer will be the next big thing in this country.

You hear this talk every four years.  Maybe every two years if it is a Summer Olympics year.  It comes on strong for a couple of weeks, then, leaves a few weeks later with a whimper.

AND THEN NOTHING CHANGES!

It takes everything in my being to hold back and not tell the people I hear saying that, that IT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!

I’ve heard the arguments for years.  Decades, really.  The soccer proponents say “Oh, there are so many kids playing soccer right now.  It’s such a cheap sport to play–all you need is a ball, a t-shirt, a pair of shorts, socks and for the lucky ones, cleats.  Youth soccer is so well organized, with leagues all over the country, in every big city and small town.  It can’t help but grow, and when these kids grow up, they will be so good from playing since they were toddlers, that the US team will succeed and win a World Cup eventually, and then, watch soccer really take off!”

BALONEY!

I have heard that soccer talk since the early 1970’s, which was really the first wave of soccer optimism in this country.  Hell, I was a part of it.

That first wave of interest started around 1975, when the New York Cosmos signed the Michael Jordan of soccer, Brazilian star Pele.  They soon also added Italian star Giorgio Chinaglia and German star Franz Beckanbauer.  American goaltender Shep Messing also became a household name and starred in numerous TV commercials.

Around that time, soccer gained popularity big time.  The NASL drew huge crowds, especially when the Cosmos came to town, and kids like me joined soccer leagues everywhere.

I soon found out that as cheap soccer was to play, it was even more boring to actually play.  When you are ten years old, a soccer field seemed as large as some small counties, and most of the time, you just would run back and forth, up and down the field, errr, pitch.  The ball would bounce around from kid to kid who actually knew how to “dribble” the soccer ball and then kick it, while the rest of us just ran up and down, back and forth, on the off chance that one of these kids would actually lose the ball or accidentally kick it to one of us.

In these games, scoring was reserved for these soccer wunderkinds, and half the kid’s on the field wouldn’t come close to kicking the ball once.  Some times, the goaltender on one of the teams would eat an apple or two or a twinkie while the “action” was on the other end of the field, which could be for hours.

Needless to say, I was not enamored with playing the game of soccer, and my experience lasted only one season.  Of the guys on the team, I think only Scott Kroner and I never figured in a goal.  In fact, I think the two of us touched a soccer ball (with our feet of course) a half dozen times all season.  It was a joke and a complete waste of time.

Unfortunately for soccer, there are too many kids like Scott and I.  Even the lil’ soccer “stars” in youth soccer often grow up and found that playing baseball, football or basketball was much more fun to play, more popular, and made it easier to get chicks.

Here is the other thing about soccer that annoys most people when they are not watching the World Cup:  NOBODY SCORES!

Most Americans couldn’t give a rats ass about all the chess maneovering of soccer.  All the going forward towards the goal and then passing the ball BACKWARDS five times until the team with the ball is back near their own goaltender again, who says “hey, the other goal is THAT WAY”.  Then “attacking” again, going forward toward the opponents goal, only to go backwards again.  Doesn’t make sense to most fans.  A team seems like they can have the ball in their possession for ten minutes and not get off a single shot!

With soccer, there isn’t another sport that can have such a level of activity–players are always moving, the ball is usually in play–with so little actually happening.  In short, soccer is a sport with a whole lotta NOTHING going on.  

People are watching the World Cup.  That’s great for a sport!  Problem is, when anyone watches a soccer game where two of the world’s best teams aren’t playing, they are bored to tears.  That’s NOT a great thing for a sport.

Quick….name three teams in Major League Soccer?!  I doubt many can do it.  I can think of the New England Revolution, the New York/New Jersey Red Bulls (or did they fold?), the Portland Timbers, the Seattle Sounders

annnd how about the LA Galaxy.  Or is that the WNBA team?  And I bet I am on the high end of people who can think of US professional teams.

In that league, the average attendance is 19,996 per game, which is skewed because some teams, like Portland and Seattle, sell out all their games in the soccer crazed Pacific Northwest.  Twenty thou a game isn’t terrible, but it’s not rivaling major league baseball.  

Soccer is a niche sport, that is loved by foreigners, immigrants and assimilated Americans.  For folks in most other countries, it is the primary sport, mainly because there aren’t any other sports the masses can afford.

For Americans, it will continue to be a niche sport.  It will NEVER take over as the primary sport in the US.  Never EVER!  It will not become more popular than baseball, football, basketball or hockey.  Not in my lifetime.  Most likely, not in our grandkids lifetime.  No matter how many World Cups we win.

The next time I hear anyone saying how soccer will become the next big thing, I am seriously going to tell them they have taken one too many “headers”.