MY FANTASY LIFE

I have got a problem.  Fantasy football has taken over my life.

No, not in some little, joking way either.  I mean in a  “waking, sleeping, eating, every decision I make revolves around it” type way.

I realized this was becoming a problem when I woke from a dream this morning.  I was dreaming about Jerrett Boykin of the Green Bay Packers only getting six point five points this coming week, and wondering if that would be enough to offset the 4.7 points that Danny Amendola got in order to be good enough to get the win in this weeks matchup.

In this dream, I was looking at a spreadsheet I had made up for the weeks matchup, and I also had three others of my other three matchups scattered around the one.  As I looked at each, my brow furrowed more and more, sweat started pouring out of every orifice and my pulse quickened.

You see, I am involved in FOUR different fantasy football leagues this year, which is an all-time high for me.  One of them is my league, the RAFFL (Rochester Area Fantasy Football League), which I formed way back in 1990, and has gone on every year, uninterrupted, since then.  It is a yardage league, which makes it different.  You get one point for every ten yards rushing and receiving, and one point for every 15 yards passing, but you get NOTHING for a touchdown.  Current owners love the fact that this is very different from typical leagues, and I always have 12 good owners.

My second league, the BAFFL (Bay Area Fantasy Football League) is an offshoot of my league.  A guy I used to work with, Bob Baker, was in my league for a year, and decided to start his own league in 1998, which is more typical and uses touchdowns and yards.  

I used to dominate the BAFFL, back in the days before computers and websites doing everyone’s research for them.  I won the league once and had the best regular season record and points total two of the first three years of that league I believe, and won again in 2002 or 3.  Since then though, with the fantasy playing field being evened by computers and websites, I haven’t won it, and have only made the playoffs a couple other times.  The worst thing about it is that I have been getting trash talked on the message boards for two years now–about how the once mighty Schaller is a fantasy shell of what he once was.  

I would never tell them that, but it bothered me, and I came into this year with a steely resolve–to get back to my former glory of BAFFL dominance.  I wanted that league more than ever, and due to my June unemployment, work was put in.  

I looked at fantasy football drafts like my new job this year.  Finallly, I had the time to put in the extra work it took to give me the edge again, and it is paying off.  Tied for 2nd in my league and tied for 2nd in the BAFFL along with the 2nd most points scored.  But those are just half of my leagues.

Since my wife and I vacationed in Denver in late July/early August, we decided to start a “Franz Family Fantasy League”, and the triple F league was born.  An eight team league, with my wife and I, my sister and brother in law, father in law, and brother in law”s father and his wife.  That is only seven, so we had to have a “dummy” team that we each made picks for.

My brother in law Bryant and I were the obvious favorites, each having an extensive fantasy football background.  Not to mention everyone in the family knows I have been a longtime sports broadcaster and a sports writer, so suddenly, even though this is only a small $25 bucks, winner take all league, I feel immense pressure.  I am SUPPOSED TO BE the guy to beat.  If I don’t do well, or even the best, I feel like I lose credibility WITH MY OWN FAMILY!!!  I’m not supposed to lose to, say…my sister in law.  But I did!

We knew my brother in law would be good, and he is.  The thing nobody counted on, except her, is that my wife and her raging honey badgers would be 9-2 and leading all of us!

I knew my wife was lucky–I mean, remember, she married me, but I never could have dreamed she was THIS lucky.  She’s got the third most points scored, but the fewest points scored against her.  It seems, no matter who she plays has a louusy week against her.  Also, her 3rd and 4th picks after Peyton Manning and Calvin Johnson were CJ Spiller and Steven Jackson–two of the biggest fantasy busts of the year.  Her 3rd running back was Darren 

McFadden.  She has proven that none of this matters when you have Peyton Manning and Calvin Johnson.

It also seems that no matter who she starts, they do well.  If she picks someone up off the waiver wire, they do well.  I don’t have that kind of luck.

I needed a wide receiver this week, with my top two–DeSean Jackson and AJ Green–on a bye.  I looked at every matchup, checked the histories of all possible pickups against this weeks matchups.  Checked weather reports, injury lists, defensive secondary matchups, horoscope reports…I spend two days going over this crap, putting together spreadsheets, deciphering results and so on.  I finally decide on Marques Colston against Atlanta’s pitiful secondary.  First of all, it’s hard to believe the #1 receiver on the NFC’s best offense would be on the waiver wire, but Colston is 100% healthy now, had a touchdown in the week one matchup against Atlanta, and has a great history against the Falcons.  He is playing in a dome, against the team who has given up the third most points to wide receivers all season.

So, what happens?  FOUR STINKIN’ LOUSY POINTS!!!  No touchdowns.  Zero second half catches on zero second half targets.  My wife could pick up Buffalo’s TJ Graham going against the Seahawks in a blizzard, and he’d get 28 points.  I spend 58 hours deciding to pick up Colston, and I get four points.  That’s my kind of luck friends.

Anyways, now I need the rest of my team to pick up the slack, playing against my brother in law and his 2nd place team that leads the league in points, and beat me in the first matchup.  I need a win desperately and can’t afford to fall back to .500 and 6-6 with a loss.

Meanwhile, in my final league, the O’Loughlin’s pub league, I need a win to get back to that same /500 mark.  That would keep us in the hunt.  See, I co-own that team with my friend Rob.  We split the entry fee and will split the winnings if there are any.  I drafted the team but we share most key decisions.  

We have had terrible luck this year in this league.  Despite scoring the 3rd most points in the league, we are 5-6 and in third in our own division.  The good news is the division leader is only 7-4.  We win out, and there is still hope.

So, wonder what I’ve been doing since losing my job?  Well, there you have it.  Other than looking for a new job that is.  

Well, I gotta go.  Gotta figure out a creative way to get Bobby Rainey into two of my lineups this week.