BAN THE BEARD!
I hate when I have to be the arbiter of good taste in sports, but there is a problem brewing in Beantown.
The Boston Red Sox have taken the hockey tradition of “playoff beards” and boosted it to a new, even hairier level. It ain’t pretty.
Hey, I should know! Remember? My namesake, Craig Schaller from Houston, accused me of being “disheveled” and was apparently embarrassed by my looks. If anyone can speak about being disheveled then, it would be me. It takes one to know one and believe me, the Red Sox look mighty disheveled.
“Disheveled” actually is a complement to these Sox beards. Most of these guys look like they were holding up “will work for food” signs at exits on the Mass turnpike that afternoon, before someone on Yawkey way picked ’em up, gave ’em uniforms, and sent them out on the field.
It really is an embarrassment. To the Red Sox. To baseball. To good taste.
Where the hell did this crap start anyways? Was it Brian Wilson and his San Francisco Giants bullpen mates in two of the last three World Series? I honestly don’t remember it being a “tradition” before that. Oh sure, there have been beards that have come, and gone, over the years. I remember the Oakland A’s of ’72-74, and a few stragglers over the years, but the Giants seem to be the real culprits who started this.
Whatever. No matter who started it, it’s time to stop this insanity now! How can anyone enjoy watching the World Series when one of the two teams (and a few guys on the other) look like the Hebrew National traveling team.
The history and tradition of the “playoff beard” in baseball is sketchy at best. It goes back about three years. Before that, ballplayers were relatively well groomed. Every now and then a wackjob like Johnny Damon, who looked like a speedy caveman, would come along, but for the most part, everyone looked presentable. Then a few yars ago, the Giants thought it would be funny to steal the playoff beard tradition from hockey.
I get it, and understand why they would do that. The playoff beard is a rich traditionn in the sport of hockey. It works in that sport. Hockey is a rugged game, played by rugged men who have few teeth and like to collide into each other on skates. It works there! Baseball is pastural. It is a sport that was loosely taken from cricket, is played on a field or diamond in a park. Doesn’t exactly scream “rugged” now does it?
Can something be done about it? Of course. It would be up to our friend Bud. A mandate from the Commisioner’s office stating that facial hair must be neat and manageable, or even mandating none at all would do the trick. Heck, the Yankees have had that policy for decades, so why can’t every team?
It would make watching the sport on television much more acceptable. It is hard to enjoy watching this series when you can tell what a pitcher had for dinner before the game because pieces of it are on his face.
This beard thing isn’t helping the sport, which already needs an umage makeover. Now, it looks like many of
the players look like they should be planning a terrorist event, instead of turning a double play.
If you disagree with me, well, enjoy the final five games of the St. Louis Cardinals versus the Boston Amish farmers.
I’ll be watching football
