I’VE REALLY DONE IT NOW!

The funniest thing happened to me today.  This is possibly the funniest thing to ever happen to me.  

I got an e-mail from Craig Schaller

Yeah.  How weird is that?  My first thought was about that Seinfeld episode, where Jerry and George and Kramer too I think, had their doppelgangers.  It was bizarro world.  

It was sent to me from this website.  Apparently, this Craig Schaller filled out the “contact me” form at the top of this page.  Here is what he wrote:

Craig,

This is Craig Schaller of Houston TX. On behalf of all the Craig Schaller\’s in the world…you need to CLEAN IT UP.  You have tarnished our good name with your weird comments and disheveled looks. 

People care about other people who care about themselves. 

Thanks,

Other Craig

Wow!  I have reached new levels of hatred.  Now even other Craig Schaller’s hate me now!  THAT is how you know you have made it.  When other people with your name take the time to write and tell you how ashamed they are.  I wonder if some schmo named Howard Stern ever wrote the real Howard Stern and told him that he’s a douchebag, and an affront to Sterns everywhere.  I wonder if there is some moron in Sioux Falls named Sean Hannity who wrote to the radio host to tell him to shut the hell up–he’s ruining the Hannity name.

Well, it is good to see that the legend of Craig Schaller has finally made it down to Houston.  I’ve been really plugging away, trying to get the word about me down to the southern border, but I only thought I had made it down to the Oklahoma border, maybe Dallas and possibly even Waco, but all the way to Houston?  That’s great!

Also, it’s so good to know that he can speak on behalf of all the other Craig Schaller’s out there.  They would all be so pleased.  I seriously have some doubts about that though.  I have it on good authority that the Craig Schaller in Madison, Wisconsin thinks I am hilarious.  The Craig Schaller’s in Phoenix and Dubuque are really starting to come around too.  Obviously Houston’s Craig Schaller feels he is the moral compass of all the Craig Schallers though.  Must be nice to have such self worth.

Obviously, Craig knows a lot about me.  He knows I have a disheveled appearance.  As you can see from the picture above, he’s right.  I’m a mess.  I really shouldn’t even leave the house.  Seriously though, how the hell would Craig Schaller know what Craig Schaller looks like?  Perhaps he saw the news interview with TV10 and Brett Davidson, where I was dressed in a pressed, blue button down dress shirt and black slacks.  Maybe he doesn’t like my pic at the top of this page, where I am sitting in front of a mic and audio board?  Yeah, that would make anyone look mighty disheveled.  I honestly can’t think of a single picture where I looked “disheveled”.  Well, whatever.  To each his own.  Maybe this Craig has extremely high standards.  Maybe he thinks Mr Rogers looks like a homeless guy.  

Craig is also offended by my “weird comments”.  What is weird about them?  I don’t know.  He didn’t specify.  Maybe it was my comment on how I tried to hide under a bed in fear during a recent Denver thunderstorm?   Maybe he didn’t like when I said that bathing suits for men are called “swim trunks” when you get older than 40?  Perhaps he found it weird that I described a recent hotel room as being “so bad, that the hookers don’t even go there anymore”.  And I’m guessing he probably didn’t agree with my Top Ten hottest female athletes of all time list.

I’m hoping for his sake, it wasn’t what I said about Asians on the LPGA tour.  That take is soooo June.  If that was the case, Craig Schaller, you need to get with the times!

Here is what I’m guessing happened.  Craig was probably bored one night, and decided to do a little egosurfing, which is a “vanity search” where one googles their own name.  To Craig’s shock and surprise, he found there was a guy named Craig Schaller who had written a controversial blog with a lot of truth to it that wasn’t totally politically correct, and that hundreds of people hated him.  

Why, this just wouldn’t do with Craig, who found this website, and decided to write to me.  He was also probably pissed off that I own craigschaller.com too.  He doesn’t know me.  He probably didn’t read a single one of my columns either.  He’s probably some liberal, tree hugger (I didn’t think they had any pusscakes like that in Texas), whose buddy told him about some guy who wrote some racist thing about women golfers who happened to have his name.  They told him he should be outraged, so he found a way to write me and express his perceived anger at me for having his name.  He apparently mistakenly thought I would give a damn.

I wrote him back of course.  Told him how sad I was for him that he had my name, and urged him to go to his local courthouse and change it if he was so distressed.  

I’m not changing, and it’s only going to get worse for you Craig.  Good luck buddy!  And don’t you become some serial killer or something.  I’ll be so very offended to be a Craig Schaller.